You’ve heard the phrase “self-love” many times, and some say that in order to love others, you must love yourself first. But what is self-love really? And how can we show ourselves more love on a practical level.

Loving yourself is an evolving practice of being in tune with, being kind to and understanding of you. It’s about having a healthy relationship with yourself; it’s embracing who you are in all moments, appreciating and showing yourself compassion. It’s not just about pampering or treating yourself – though that can be part of it.

First, let’s address the idea that you cannot love others until you love yourself. While this notion contains some good insight – after all, your outer world reflects your inner world and you set the standard for how you will be treated and treat others in relationships- it can be a restricting idea that keeps you on the wheel of self-improvement. It may also make you feel that you aren’t “healed enough” to be loved. There is no “perfectly healed” version of you that you must achieve in order to be loved. Everyone is on their own path of self-discovery and self-love might come easier to some than others depending where they at in their journey. Regardless where you are at in your healing/ self-love evolution, you are worthy of love, always.

Self-love is an evolving practice and it will take some time until habits of loving thoughts and actions will come naturally. Here’s a list of practical ways you can show yourself some love:

1. Do the things that bring you joy. You like to paint? Or golf? Or go for long drives? Or watch the sun set? Take some more time to do more of things you love and what makes you feel alive.
2. Get in touch with your emotions. Life can get busy, take some time to tune into yourself and check in with how you’re truly feeling. Meditation, yoga, deep breathing, dance, or doing something creative, are fantastic tools to get in touch with yourself.
3. Show up for yourself and set boundaries. Keep commitments to yourself and say “no” when needed. Boundaries are about knowing where your thresholds/ preferences are and communicating when you are not comfortable.
4. Embrace your goofy side and embrace your authenticity. Let your personality shine.
5. Let go of guilt, have patience and compassion for yourself.
6. Allow yourself to make mistakes. We are all perfectly imperfect and we will make mistakes. Learn and let it go.
7. Care less about what others think of you. You hurt your own feelings by caring more about what others think of you than what you think of you. (For some help on this, see our article, “Why You Should Stop Caring What People Think)
8. Actively look for things to appreciate about yourself.
9. Cut yourself some slack.
10. Treat yourself like someone you love. We are our own worst critic, and we often find it easier to offer friends/ loved ones encouragement, empathy, support or advice. Be nice to yourself and have your own back.

Self-love is a practise and will be an ongoing journey for you to determine and re-assess what your needs and desires are. They will evovle as you do.

Self-love also gives way to more confidence, more allowing of yourself to show up authentically. In loving you and having compassion for yourself, you also love and have more compassion others as a by-product. There is a filling of your own cup which allows an overflow that you can give to others. Self-love is thereby not selfish and you ought not to feel guilty or selfish for taking time for you.