Resentment, shame, and guilt are emotions that can weigh heavily on us. They can be painful, disruptive, and hold us back from living a fulfilling life. Fortunately, it is possible to release these emotions and move into a better feeling, healthier mindset. In this article, we’ll explore how to do this and why it’s important.

Understanding Resentment, Shame, and Guilt

Resentment is a feeling of anger or bitterness towards someone or something, often stemming from a perceived injustice or wrongdoing. Shame is a deep sense of embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace that stems from feelings of inadequacy or failure. Guilt, on the other hand, is a sense of remorse or regret that comes from feeling responsible for something that went wrong.

These emotional states can have a negative impact on our mental and emotional well-being we linger in them. They can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, and even physical illness. Holding onto these emotions can also prevent us from experiencing true happiness and fulfillment in life.

The Antidote: Radical Acceptance and Self-Love

First, understand that your feelings are valid. Do not criticize yourself for having negative thoughts and emotions. Remember that healing is not a linear path.

All things begin with self because that is where your perspective and control lives. The most powerful thing you can do to let go of difficult emotions is to practice self-love. Self-love is the practice of accepting and caring for yourself, exactly as you are in this moment. It means treating yourself with kindness, respect, and compassion. When we love ourselves, frankly – we give ourselves a break. We see the good in ourselves and thereby allow ourselves to see the good in others. We can forgive ourselves, and give ourselves permission to forgive others. For more on self-love and how to practice it, see our article What is ‘Self-Love’, Really? How to Love Yourself More.

Letting Go of Resentment, Shame, and Guilt

Here are some ways to let go of these emotions with self-love:

• Practice self-compassion – Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer someone you love. When you make a mistake, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. You are learning and evolving everyday, so is everyone else. The fact that you have regret about something you did or said let’s you know that you have learned, and you would approach things differently with your understanding now. Let yourself feel negative emotions as they come without judgement and know healing takes time, you will move past them in your own time, and it is okay. You deserve to be happy.

• Identify and challenge negative self-talk – Pay attention to the messages you tell yourself and challenge any negative or untrue thoughts. What we think about creates our emotional state. If you find you keep repeating negative stories about yourself, replace them with positive affirmations that reinforce your worth and value. When you think negatively of others, even justifiably so, it perpetuates those emotions that are detrimental to your wellbeing. Focusing in this way will deplete your energy, which you can instead focus towards your well-being.

• Take responsibility – Acknowledge and take responsibility for any mistakes or wrongdoings. It is okay to make mistakes and apologizing can be very healing. An apology may not always be necessary – if you check-in with yourself and feel an apology would be in order and right, then apologize and work towards making amends.

• Practice forgiveness – Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning harmful behavior. It means letting go of anger and resentment towards those who have hurt us. It’s letting go of the weight of our own guilty feeling. It will take time, and we move through different emotional states that will eventually allow us to forgive. We move from feelings of depression or powerlessness to anger, and eventually, find peace. We free our selves by finding forgiveness for others. Forgiveness for ourselves and for others can be a powerful tool for healing, our empowerment and moving forward.

• Practice gratitude – Focus on the positive aspects of your life and cultivate a sense of gratitude for what you have and who you are. Everyday is a new opportunity to refine and redefine ourselves, and life has so much to offer. In finding more pleasant things to think about and put our energy into, this can help shift focus away from negative emotions and towards feelings of happiness and contentment.

Letting go of resentment, shame, and guilt is not easy and takes time, but you can let them go. When we practice self-love, we create a foundation for emotional and mental well-being and allow these negative emotions to teach us and to pass without suppression. We learn to direct our energy to our well-being, accept ourselves just as we are, and find more compassion for ourselves and others.