You just had an interaction with someone, someone you just met, or a coworker, or family member, and you find yourself going over what was said. What you said, how you looked, sounded, acted etc. Thoughts like:

“I shouldn’t have said that.” “What do they think of me?”...Begins the spiralling of thought.

Let’s preface this by acknowledging that you are a well-meaning person and caring what people think of you is a normal part of being human. We are social creatures by nature and it is healthy to care what people think and appreciate the opinions of those you love – to a point. This point is when it becomes something you wrack your brain over, when your behavior and perspectives are based on someone else’s opinion of you. When that spiral of thought happens – first, cut yourself some slack – then consider the following.

These anxiety-inducing thoughts are the product of our analytical, protective mind, trying to paint what picture of us someone else sees. We try to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes and look at us from the outside. The thing is – these thoughts only cause feelings of fear and discomfort in ourselves and, no matter how socially adept or empathetic you are, you will never know the full picture. You will never know with certainty what someone else’s perspective is, or what brought them to their conclusions, or why they’re in a given mood. Just as your perspective is shaping how you experience and interpret the world and the people in it, everyone else has their individual perspective with a full backstory on how these views came into being- and they’re constantly changing. Each of us has had individual life experience and has been influenced by family, culture, social norms and media. Each of us have our own interpretation of the world that is unique to us on our own story.

The way in which you view others is more to do with you and the way they view you is more to do with them.

Another consideration to keep in mind is that most people are concerned with how they are also being perceived and not judging you more harshly than themselves. Most people are also wrapped up in their perspective. Our egotistic viewpoint keeps us fixated in our own world and more focused on our goings-on. That is not a bad thing, we have a first-person perspective of this world and are aware of it.

People’s memory and attention span are thankfully, not very long. Our minds get distracted on other things and we forget what happened when we, or someone else, did what was once ‘so embarrassing’. Even if you did something ‘wrong’ or ’embarrassing’, people will forget.

You cannot please everyone and you will be exhausted if you try. Everyone has different expectations, interpretations and opinions, and they are ever-changing. While you may be able to appease one person for a limited time, you cannot appease everyone all the time.

Even with the best intentions, some people will love you and some won’t. A by-product of moving towards a mindset less dependent on what people think of you is that you can just be yourself. The people who get you, will get you and those who don’t, won’t. This is also how you attract more people on your wavelength and let people off the hook. Be weird, like the things you like and what lights you up.

When you show up authentically, you also create space for others to do the same. _{– Unknown}

We are living on a giant rock flying through space in a potentially infinite universe. We are part of a MUCH bigger picture that we cannot yet fully comprehend, for a short amount of time. On a cosmic scale, we are here for a blip of time in the estimated 13.8 billion year old universe¹, as one of about 8 billion human beings ², who are also trying to figure life out.

Here’s some perspective:

We’re here for a good time, not a long time. As the phrase goes, ‘you only live once’ – and so does everyone else. So live it according to your principles, your joy and your well-being, and let other people think their own thoughts.

Not caring what people think of you is something that takes some time and practice. Remember, no one is “perfect” and we are all figuring things out.

_{1) https://www.nasa.gov/feature/goddard/2022/nasas-hubble-finds-spiraling-stars-providing-window-into-early-universe}

_{2) https://www.un.org/en/desa/world-population-reach-8-billion-15-november-2022}